I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
