If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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