When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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