You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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