he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
