and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
