My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
