I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
