remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
