i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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