I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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