Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
