Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
