I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
