Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
