There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
