I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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