i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
