well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
