lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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