Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
