I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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