Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My pussy is not your playground.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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