and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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