Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
