Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
