This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
