So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
