I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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