I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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