Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
