come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
