he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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