we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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