Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
