I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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