Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
