So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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