oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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