I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize