I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
