Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
