i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
