Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
