other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
