BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
