There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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