i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
