My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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