best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
