I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
