my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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