Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
