I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
