I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
