I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
