Christians are straight up FREAKS
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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