he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize