oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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