I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize