Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
