Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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