I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize