So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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