honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
