Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
