At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
