he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
