I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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